Dar's First Death Anniversary

Time certainly flies. Just less than a year ago, I would have just reached home a short while ago. Keeping Pat company after I had gotten off from work. Keeping her company and watching some TV, with my heart aching every single second while I saw her breathing painfully into the oversized oxygen mask.

The difficulty of her breathing, the anguish on her face, the words she couldn't speak, the love shining ever so brightly in her eyes. I hold her hand, I tell her not to be scared. I help her to carefully brush her teeth and wipe her lips gingerly when she rinses her mouth. She lies back onto her bed and looks at me. I touch her face and tell her I love her. She mouths the words back behind her oxygen mask and waves me farewell for the night. Tired, I give her a peck on her forehead and leave for home.

That was the last time I saw Pat. The last time I felt her holding my hands, touching my cheeks, telling me that she loved me. I was not there when she left this world. I wasn't there to tell her not to be scared and that she would be fine. I wasn't there to hold her little cold hands when she needed me. Why was I so lazy to leave and go home? Why didn't I just keep her company for awhile more? What have I done...

Dar dar, I want to talk to you... I want to talk to you dar.

Warm, Quiet Night

Hey. I just reached home a couple of minutes ago. It's now 3:20am. Pretty much the norm for me nowadays.

Anyways, you must be wondering why I am blogging at this hour. A little too pre-occupied right now; too many things running through my head and it just won't stop. Pretty tired. For those of you who know me, I think I have eye bags right now. That is quite something. I don't get eye bags that easily, even when I pull all-nighters before exams. I guess, prolonged lack of rest is starting to take its toll on me. -shrugs-

Not feeling too hyper at this moment; my apologies for the rather boring post. I don't even know why I am blogging right now. I basically have nothing to say and am just typing away randomly at my computer. If random words can actually form such a long post, it just means that my bullshitting level has just reached new highs. What the hell am I talking about...

Will be working / on course on Vesak Day. Vesak Day just happens to be 31 May. In a way, it's probably better off if I'm not around when everyone else is. Makes things less awkward or painful for everyone doesn't it? The course will be from 9am to 6pm. Going to leave at 6pm once it ends and nothing is going to stop me.

It's a warm, quiet night. Silence can get deafening at times.

The Rest-less Weekend

The weekend has come to an end. Time just flew past without me getting any rest. Oh well, just a bief recap:

Friday: Ended up working late, helping my fellow intern with stuff and clearing up my own work. One of the VPs bought me and the other intern a round of drinks at Balaclava. Pretty cool place I must say, although it was my first time there. Always thought it was a yuppie kind of place, packed with expats. Headed back to the office to clear up work and got home at like... 3:30am.

Cleared up some stuff the following morning before spending the entire day at Dunman High. It's nice to go back and see how the boys are doing and to feel part of the scout group again. I guess, this being the first time in many many years when I've gone back for PLTC without Pat, just feels strange. It just felt unreal in a way for me, like something was missing. Maybe it was just the fact that this PLTC wasn't run by any of the gang, or that it was in a new place, or maybe it's just Pat not being around. I don't know. But it just felt kind of empty, which is a little scary because Dunman High / scouting has been like family or my second home to me for so many years; yet I felt distant from it for the first time since... the day I stepped into scouts in 1996.

Supper was pretty good at Holland Village. First time I've been back there since... last year when I had 小笼包 at 翡翠 late at night. Holland Village, another place filled with lots of memories; all beautiful ones. Got home, ran, knocked out and slept.

My entire Sunday was spent at the Food Expo helping to tend to the booth for my dad. A long, monotonous day.

Another week is beginning tomorrow. I think I need some sleep... Exactly one year ago, I was sitting by Pat's bed side, holding her hand and keeping her company the entire day while she missed out on her cousin's wedding; something she had been looking forward to for a long time.

Good night everyone. Good night dar.

End of Week 3

In a flash, week 3 of my internship is coming to a close. Just in case any of you are wondering (if anyone still read this blog), I just got home a couple of minutes ago at 1:30am; the earliest I've got home this week actually.

No one ever said investment banking was easy; quite the contrary, everyone says its tough. The thing is, saying it is tough and that you can take 100 hours a week and actually doing the damn thing is two different things. Day after day of 9am to 2am or 3am, having your mind spin at top speed constantly and staying sharp to avoid making critical errors, is quite a challenge. Maybe that's why I like the job. Haha... I'm sure I'm not making any sense here.

Anyways, it's the weekend. Will probably head back into the office to clear up the work which I've not finished. If any of my friends happen to be in the city in the weekend, feel free to give me a buzz and I'll pop by to meet up from my office. Argh, I'm coming down with a slight flu; better watch myself a little.

Tired, but glad. And I haven't forgotten; 93.

Just missing you a little, sometimes.

The Mandatory Rest Weekend

Hey all, haven't been blogging all that frequently. Work is taking up quite a fair bit of my time and energy; 9am to 2am work days + runs after work when I am up to it, are pretty intensive physically and mentally. Anyways, this is a mandatory rest weekend because the building and technology facilities are all undergoing maintenance. Phew, kinda needed the break to catch up on a little sleep.

Had a pretty good day today. Sent my sis to tuition then headed back to DHS to check out the PLTC pre-camp. I was kinda early for dinner after I left DHS, so I drove through NUS, remembering all the times which I've spent / been there before I headed to Labrador Park to watch the sunset. Was calming in a way; haven't had the time to just sit down and watch the sunset in a long long time. The last time I had the chance was... Ah well, inconsequential, the point was, it was awesome to have had the chance to watch the sunset.

Decided to go for a short spin up and down Mount Faber, one of my favorite drives in Singapore. Seeing the city light up, the ships sailing in the sea, the beautiful darkening sky, couples strolling hand in hand along the road; lovely sights...

Went to meet my parents, grandma and sis at 黑社会 at Vivocity. The food was marginally edible but grossly overpriced. The point which revolted me the most was their service standards, or rather, the lack thereof. I swear I'm never going to head there ever again. By the way, I realized how impossible it is to get hold of the Asian Wall Street Journal. Walked the entire Vivocity, to all the bookstores and none of them stocked the paper. Argh. Yes, yes, it's my idea of an entertaining weekend read, thank you.

I met a few guys (note: GUYS) from the supper gang for a short while after dinner. Took a walk down ECP; I miss having the time to stroll down the beach, listening to the wakes break, feeling the breeze and smelling the sea. ECP kinda holds quite a fair bit of memories for me. Some pleasant, and some, not so pleasant. Nonetheless, I still love being there. Rarely do I get the chance to walk along the beach without having to think about a million things to deal with. Guess, it just isn't possible anymore nowadays. Haha...

Whatever it is, I think I'm heading to bed. Good night people. Another day of rest before it's back to fun again. Take care and sleep tight, to everyone who hold a place in my heart / mind.

Peace,
Wilson

Brief Update

Hey. It's been quite a long time since I last updated my blog. I guess most people would have given up reading it already so that probably isn't such a bad thing.

Anyways, I just got home from work (yes, I know it's a Sunday; thanks for the reminder if that's what you exclaimed when you read the previous statement). Went to catch Spidey after I managed to pull myself out of the office. A pretty decent show but I kinda expected more. Maybe the first two were just way too good so I felt like something was missing in the third sequel.

Whatever it is, I'm already starting to rant. I can't believe it's Monday again. The start of another week of 2am cab rides home, followed by 9am-in-the-office work days. Phew... I totally have no idea where my weekend went.

Have a fair bit of stuff trapped in my mind. Kinda sucks sometimes. Argh.

I'm heading to bed. Take care everyone. Buzz me (or sms me rather) to keep in touch. Damn I'm tired. Haha...

Labor Day

Hey everyone. Hope all is going well for all my friends (wherever you guys are now right now). It's Labor Day today; a public holiday in Singapore.

Kinda glad that I didn't have to return to my office today to do work. I think my luck will probably run out in about 9 hours time when the work will start piling in, and I can start coming home at 2am. Fun, busy times ahead. Started work on Monday. The people in my office are pretty friendly but everyone works doubly hard. A little intimidating at first but getting used to it.

Woke up bright and early today, went for a couple of runs and then lunch with my grandparents at Furama. Decent food and nice to get to see my grandparents again. A little worried about some stuff but I guess but I'm not in a position to do anything at all so... -shrugs-

After I got home, went to visit my maternal grandma again. Needless to say, got stuffed with lots of nice food when I was there. Best ah ma in the world! Anyways, ran to see Pat again after I got home. Received quite a few weird stares from the evening mass go-ers because I was totally drenched in pespiration from my run. A little tranquility and quietness to think about stuff. Helped quite a bit. Thanks dar.

Dinner at home, tutored my sister in her Physics and dealt with some crappy stuff before heading for supper with part of the gang. A little too much on my mind then (and now). Run 3 obviously didn't have much of an effect, except make me realize that I'm way out of shape. Going to lie down and try to sort all these thoughts out... A little tired...

Wishing...